University of Advancing Technology's Official Technology Blog

Faint Fruit Frenzy, Vanilla Pine Candlewax, or Seaside Retirement Party?

            Mr. Whatsit was having a hard time deciding which scent of shampoo to use. After all, it would be for his third shower of the day, which everyone knows is the most important of all. Furthermore, he would be meeting with the illustrious Ms. Whunu of Famous People Inc. fame tomorrow, and he simply had to make sure he had the right background scent for his next four showers before the event.

            After several more minutes of deliberation, Mr. Whatsit selected Seaside Retirement Party. He was to meet Ms. Whunu for a celebration of the city’s new Fruit-and-Wood Market, after all, and he wanted to provide a festive mood for everyone around.

            Mr. Whatsit turned on the shower to a temperature somewhere between freezing cold and scorching hot. Which is to say, rather lukewarm. He climbed in, careful to avoid getting his hair wet. It simply wouldn’t do to even touch his hair before cleaning his hands. He began, pulling out his limited-edition soap and getting to work.

            Mr. Whatsit liked to start with his left ring finger. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt like good luck. With a sharp tug, it came right off. Mr. Whatsit grabbed his brush and scrubbed it all over, making sure to get inside each nook and cranny. He set it in his finger bucket, then moved on to the next finger.

Pop! Pop! Pop!

            Off the fingers went, easy as can be. One by one, Mr. Whatsit cleaned them all. When he had finished with his left hand, he made sure to put all the fingers back on before moving on to his right. After all, how was he to clean his fingers if he had nothing to clean them with?

            The right went just as easily as the left. Up until the thumb. When Mr. Whatsit went to put his thumb back on, he found it was still a bit slippery. That is to say, it fell from his hands and down the drain it went.

            Mr. Whatsit looked at the stump where his thumb used to be. It was still oozing a bit, the same red that now coated his bucket and the floor. No matter. Perhaps Ms. Whunu would admire how very clean the stump was. Mr. Whatsit scrubbed it some more, just in case.

            It was finally time to wash his hair. This was his least favorite part. He always managed to get something in his eyes. He put all nine of his remaining fingers onto the top of his face and pulled.

            His scalp came off, easy as ever. Mr. Whatsit got some who-knows-what in his eyes, just like always. He lathered the chunk of skin and hair full of Seaside Retirement Party, then rinsed it off. He put his scalp back on, careful not to slip in all the gunk.

            Mr. Whatsit turned off the shower, smiling. It was almost time for lunch.